Letters to Love

All my life I’ve searched for you…

Like one searches for their favorite shirt or shoe, you know the usual places first. Like the closet, then a bit further from where many stow their garments, I tried under the bed. For a little while all I could do was scratch my head. Then in the dirty clothes, I figured maybe you’d been used a bit but just enough for a perfect fit,

Then I searched the unusual spots, the unfamiliar and the scary, Like the basement where the contents vary. I searched and searched only to find you were never mine. Just something I saw in passing, something others used to pass the time. Searching for you just to realize I was only day dreaming. 

It seemed to me you’d definitely be in the usual places, like family. You know how you show up in a mothers tone, when she shares that she loves you even if you did do wrong? But you weren’t there see, you had gotten away from me. Maybe when I was young, maybe before my song had even begun. You mustve skipped over me… but I didn’t give up, my naivety misleading me. I thought if I went a bit further a bit more unfamiliar you’d be there. 

Like when a man meets a woman and with an instant he knows, that’s the woman he should give his care. However you didn’t make an appearance, all these men and you never made an interference. Thinking they were my last hope, I let them hurt me I was pain addicted. Like an addict I said, “if I want to I could quit it…” I lied like a dope fiene is known to do. Cos all this time I had hope in you. I stayed and I stayed and you didn’t bloom. Every relationship I entered I was in a constant state of gloom. In my heart I made a space for you, blindly I made room. Believing and hoping my time was near, but you never made it to me. Maybe your Uber got stuck on the highway, you know speeding going my way? It’s clear to everyone else I needed you, but I’m obviously the last thing on your list of things to do. Even with this…

My search still continues, now I look for you in the liquor menus. Maybe you’re in the Brandy, or maybe the tequila? If I sip this quick I can possibly see ya… like a high the thought of you lifts me. In the morning I’ll remember, just like with every coming September… that I’ve lived so long without you. Now I start to doubt you. 

You’re so familiar to so many, family, friends and  lovers they’ve had plenty. They’ve had so so many that when I come to them in search of you, they tell me “love shouldn’t be a virtue to you…” “Just let it happen, because with love you can’t be captain…” do they not know I’ve waited for you… pushed aside, Mishandled and debated for you. Yeah you’ve left me jaded it’s true but here I go again, pleading and contemplating with you. 

Why don’t you just show up love? 

For me…

So I could raise a family of three… what did I do so bad that I don’t deserve to be loved by you?

Did I not properly prepare your pedestal?

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