SETTLE the act of accepting or agreeing to (something/someone who one considers to be less than satisfactory).
Settling, we all do it…don’t we? Settling on clothes, on food choices and much more including positions and pay in our careers. “I really like her but man she’s crazy.”, “He isn’t the cutest and the sex isn’t the greatest but he treats me well and he’s funny.” Have you ever heard this or said this with no real consideration as to what it meant? Is it really necessary to settle on someone you choose to be apart of your life?
There are 2.722 million people here in Chicago alone, about 618,987 of them not married. (Statistics provided by Chicago census.) Yet many people have “settled” on one person, they’ve stopped dead in their tracks in this game of love and war and decided this one is The One. I don’t know how most date but lets assume most are like myself and carry a mental note of likes, dislikes and deal breakers. At what point do we stop aiming for perfection? At what moment do we say, he’s the 8 out of 10 I’ll take him for the rest of my life? Is that realistic is that best or promising? “He hasn’t hit any of my deal breakers but he’s midway through my dislikes and partially hitting all my likes, but bag him up and send him to me.”
Lets even consider those settling for the 3.5s thinking this is it, “at least he only throws his clothes over our room and not the entire house.” Where’s the “safe settle zone”? How exactly do you know you’ve reached the settling point?
Absolutely nothing is wrong with accepting someone in their truth and choosing to do life with them. Spoiler alert I think its ideal to choose someone worth it with all their flaws than to look forever for Mr. Perfect/Ms. Perfect. Primarily because we change, life is ever-changing and I would hope you’re ever evolving, We really don’t have the necessary time to embrace, dissect and choose the perfect mate. Nor do many of us really have the resources to possibly tour the world in search of this grand love.
Relationships are so crucial to your well-being and self esteem both romantic and platonic. Makes you think sometimes, “Do I even truly know what I want?” Do I trust myself enough to know what I genuinely need? When you created your list did you consider the Cons of your Pros? I still go back to edit my list from time to time, only to find that with time the list has taken another shape, took a different creative direction and sometimes reads as another foreign language. “Did I really write this? Was I drunk?” Kind of changes, now I look at a potential mate and ask myself, “Five years from now will he still be your best friend?”,”Will you be able to talk freely with him now and in the future?” Many other questions follow but they are no longer geared towards appearance and financial well-being solely, shockingly they aren’t to stone set on sex. Teachability and self knowledge and awareness helps more than one may fathom.
When talking to my friends or peers I always ask them when they express their desire for an aesthetically pleasing mate, “What about the temptations he/she will face, what about the stares, glares and advances he/she will receive can you handle that truly?” Can they handle that kind of temptation? Of course you want to be sexually attracted to your partner, however some of us want an unrealistic standard. A gentleman that’s “GQ Fine” and we can’t handle the “GQ Fine print”. The WCW type, not realizing there’s about 52 Wednesdays and 53 Fridays in a year. (FineWomanFridays for twitter users.) That is at the very least 105 chances for a random to lift your lady on a pedestal you feel should be reserved for you. Does that now translate to 105 opportunities for strife? Its very possible, your false sense of security may let you down and expose colors you didn’t know you held.
Lets not even explore the times you get comfortable or distracted with life and stop tending to your partner as you did in courting, and some random politely shows themselves in your mates time of need. When their will is weak, then how stable are you emotionally to a possible rebuild?
Back to the matter at hand, When do you settle and when is it ok to let your hair down and rest a bit? Tell me what you think, when did you know you were safe. When did you decide maybe this is it, I can work this number the rest of my life.
Do you have a unwritten “test”, I covet the confessions of others. So whats Tea?