I had just went through a breakup, my ex and I had been together for 5 years. Some of them more beautiful than others some more chaotic. Our love was captivating but he and I together where no longer fulfilling, it was like a marriage gone astray we shared many things with one another including our home. We worked at things until we could work no longer, oddly enough I left peacefully. There’s a point when one knows the horse has enhaled and exhaled its last warmth of life, consequently the sharpest of blows could cause it no additional harm.
I began a self healing voyage with one lone survivor, me. I began dating myself, I transitioned into a vegan diet, I participated in yoga and kept a journal. I mostly logged my progress and affirmations for myself, life and love. One passage read:
Sora you are:
You are an amazingly beautiful woman, with an astonishingly beautiful soul. From the crown of your glorious head there rest beauty. Luscious coils of reddish brown hair. From there one would find golden blonde hair atop sun kissed skin. A skin so smooth and brown, with a reddish tint that glows under the sun and freckled like the ripest of bananas. You are one with the earth and at your worst a classic that is never to be tampered with. Gorgeous full eyes and a tiny nose, full lips that help soften statements and force power behind your words. You are amazing. Short in stature, gargantuant in poise and confidence. You are amazing. A smile of great lightness and joy, that helps mask any adversity experienced in this life awarded to you. You are amazing. A body full and ready to nurture, hold and bare kings and queens alike. Amazing. You. Are….
As I read over this weeks affirmation I heard my phone jingle, a reminder to get dressed for the nights coming festivities. Eager for fun and music I played some tunes on my record player and began to get dressed. My three friends and I met up and gathered together in my black beetle. I lowered the top and we were off to enjoy the night. Singing loudly and enjoying our youth we laughed and smiled. My friends and I the epitome of #BlackGirlMagic, your anything but average “Hotep” sisters. Equipped with self knowledge and desire for self preservation, the originators of confidence one would think. We were fully aware of ourselves, those things that gave us beauty and wonder. As well as the things that made us retreat and ponder our being. We always made room for love and laughter, that wasn’t limited to our urban attributes. There’s many things we’ve done for the culture and we embraced it as much as to be expected.
Juliana, Bina, Tish, and myself reached the music festival. Feeling free of past relationships, and any minial bouts of anguish we danced and sang along under the sun. Bina was well known and after the music stopped we were asked if we wanted to hang with the Artist. We all agreed, taking a ride and letting the universe work out the details we marched backstage.
The atmosphere was cliche on the surface, many people were gathered in this spacious room, there were drugs and alcohol sprawled across the tables. Many smiling faces and boisterous laughter filled the room, with an aroma of sweet hookah smoke and what seemed to be fruit flavored inscents. My friends and I relished in our happiness and made a point to really feel and indulge in the moment.
We were introduced to the main act Zamir, I shook his hand last and said, “Hey I am Sora, you really did your thing tonight.” Locked into one another he smiled sharply and with a low yet deep voice responded, “Thank you Queen, it means a lot preforming to a large group of people can be exhausting. I’m glad you enjoyed it.” Zamir was fine with his rock grunge garb, adorned with flamboyant textiles such as silk and the softest of cottons. He appeared as a young Lenny Kravitz with his layered attire, bandanna around his neck, a shredded cotton tee that lay beneath a suede button down. His jeans fit him well, they looked pretty worn yet stylish floating over his Gucci slide in slippers. Za smelled of Chanel bleu and I was intrigued, not to have him but to know him mentally.
We all hung out and the night was beautiful, due to my recent six month transition I was on a natural high. I went home alone that night and later got a call from Zamir, “Just making sure you made it home safe.” Although I responded with a prompt yes that wasn’t the end of our conversation. We talked for three hours, the conversation was stimulating and much appreciated. He told me about his next show in another city in the next coming weeks, I wished him the best and went about my night.
Two weeks had passed and he and I spoke briefly between his shows. Tonight was his show in California and I just so happened to be in the neighborhood with a few friends. Bina was on the list as always and we made our way to the show and later back stage. Again we had a beautiful time soaking up the atmosphere and the night around us. However this night was a bit different, I saw Zamir and he had a glazed over look. He seemed a bit clouded and it wasn’t from the Mary Jane filling his lungs. Worried a bit we talked and I tried to feel him out, I asked few questions and he gave me honest responses. He was lost in the times and the accelerated pace of his new found lifestyle in music.
That night at 3 am we walked the Coronado beach, as we walked and he shared his recent experiences on tour we stopped. We sat and watched the water, I looked at him with intent and interest as he shared his stories. He stopped talking and stared down at my face, confused and embarrassed I giggled. “What?”, “Sora you’re really beautiful”.
Before I could responsed Zamir grabbed my neck and gently guided my face to his. We kissed so deeply, so passionately I couldn’t resist but to sink into him, into the moment into the passion of the night. I pulled away and stared back into his eyes and smiled. I pushed him into the sand gently and straddled him, as I rest my body on his manhood I felt the girth of him, his length at that time a mystery. I lowered my upper body on to him and whispered into his ear that I was here and I am his safe place. Immediately after I felt Zamir’s body release all tension, he kissed me and his member jumped pleasantly between my legs. Slowly I undressed him, first I exposed his chest to see a perfectly blended mixture of chest hair, blemish free skin and a small Ankh tattoo on his right shoulder. I kissed his warm body gently both sides of his neck and down to his nipples, I licked them both softly and continued downward. To protect him from the sand surrounding us I only unbuttoned his jeans to expose his shaft. Dark in color with a natural sheen, thick and riddled with veins I could feel in my palm I weakened and accepted the challenge ahead of me. To put it plainly, Zamir was large and fully pigmented and I loved it.
I was reaching my seventh month of celibacy and Zamir was the perfect specimen to break the cycle. I climbed on top of him once more and grabbed him firmly, I looked into his eyes and stared at him as I moistened my hand and whipped it across my yoni. I slid all of me on him, still locked into his gaze his eyes opened wide as he felt my warmth. He grabbed my hips and smiled I pushed his hands away gently in an effort to let him know I needed no grand assistance. I planted my feet in the sand after filling myself with his fullness, I lifted myself slowly up and down, up and down. My yoni like the sea behind me produced waves of moisture, I stared at him as I road him. My facial expressions filled with pure pleasure I didn’t want to look away from him. As I gave the sweet of me to him I gathered the intent of healing, my body was at its peak of cleanliness and fluid femininity. I knew whatever was worrying him would falter after entering my body. Slow and deep I coasted on his shaft, he sank into the sand. I watched what I had never had the pleasure of experiencing before. Euphoria in a man preclimax, Za was in a literal trance. His eyes were empty, his body weak, he moaned passionately. I knew my plan to heal him was working so I upped the ante, I placed my hands on his chest gently so I wouldn’t disturb his state of mind. My legs began weakening under me, I used his body to propel myself up and down swiftly on top of him. Over the peaceful acoustics of the ocean I moaned, my eyes rolled back and I began to fuck away his stress and mine. Our bodies making our own music, my wetness created a stirring sound against his thick, veined, onyx penis. My eyes watered, my body clinched and I began to squirt all over him. The out pour weakened me even more but I couldn’t stop myself from riding him. In his shock he grabbed me from below and pounded into me, I released my internal river over him even harder than before. I let out a constant and insistant moan, my toes curled and I wept. As he watched me I felt his member strengthen and tighten within me, I moaned to him, “I am your safe place, fill me with your pain…”. Za grabbed me so tight my arms brused partially, he placed his warm mouth on my breast and tore into me. He thrusted so fiercely so quickly inside of me, filling me completely with both his sweet liquid warmth and his manhood. My mouth gaping wide I couldn’t release a sound, one tear fell from my eye and Za sank into my bosom. Breathing heavily he squeezed me firmly and whispered my name, “Sora….” he chanted my name 7 times before laying me in the sand and feasting passionately on my yoni. Zamir ate from my womanhood in every position possible, filling me with his tongue, fondling my bean, my body reacted so sweetly. He gently felt my lips with his fingers and slowly entered inside of me with them, licking me clean each time and sucking gently on my bean I relaxed and released inside of his mouth three times. Even when I tried to exscape his grasp he would catch every drop. Zamir ate from me and resurfaced with a full belly and a glazed beard. We kissed and walked back to where everyone else was located, my fingers locked into his. Well pleased and soon to be well rested we both worked the room. Chatting and meeting eyes periodically I was satisfied I had cured him of what had been holding him prior. Zamir was now as I met him full of life and a ray of light. As a grand gesture of thanks Zamir did two more things that would surprise me and please both my body and ego.
Before the party ended Zamir took me into the bathroom lifted me to the wall and feasted on me once more. This time not as gentle, this time his technique wasn’t as diverse, however this time took me no more than five minutes to fill his belly with the sweet of me once more. He placed me back on my feet as he sank into the tile he rested his head at my yoni, I palmed his head full of coily amber hairs and we rested. Moments later we parted ways and unpon the next mixtape realse my ego was filled. Zamir named the album Soratonin an ode to me as well as 22 songs that filled the catalog. Expressing great love and desire my healing was both appreciated and as real as he and I were standing in that party.